THE STORY IS REAL.
THE NAMES ARE WITHHELD TO PROTECT THE INEPT.
Remember those goofy cable commercials? When you have cable, you need to get out on a vacation. And when you go on vacation you need to go to somewhere exotic. And when you go somewhere exotic, you get bitten. And when you get bitten you swell up. And when you swell up, you can’t go home. And when you can’t go home you become a local fisherman they call “big fatty face”. Don’t become a local fisherman they call big fatty face. Get rid of cable…
When you have unrelieved pain that keeps getting worse, you look at your torso. And when you look at your torso, you notice a rash. And when you notice a rash, you send a selfie to your mom. And when you send a selfie to your mom she tells you she thinks it is shingles. And when your mom tells you she thinks it is shingles, you realize you don’t have a doctor. And when you realize you don’t have a doctor you go to an Urgent Care. And when you go to an Urgent Care you see someone who doesn’t know you. And when you see someone who doesn’t know you they can examine you and confirm the diagnosis. And when they confirm the diagnosis they tell you your mom was right. And when they tell you your mom was right they prescribe an antiviral. And when they prescribe an antiviral you say thanks but I can’t sleep and I need something for pain. And when you tell them you can’t sleep and need something for pain they tell you there’s pain medicine in the antiviral. And when they tell you there’s pain medicine in the antiviral, you believe them because you were taught to trust clinicians. And when you believe them you go home and suffer. And when you go home and suffer you contemplate suicide. And when you contemplate suicide, you suddenly remember your friend burst his appendix. And when you remember your friend burst his appendix you call him up. And when you call him up he says he has leftover pain medicine. And when he tells you he has left over pain medicine, you get in a cab. And when you get in a cab you go borrow some of his pain medicines. And when you borrow some of his pain medicine… You…
Get arrested? Do hard time?
Welcome to the United States of America in 2015. Where people can diagnose one of the most widely recognized exquisitely painful medical maladies of our time and lie to your face. And hardworking executives are turned into drug diverters.
And these are the honest people I know.
And like the guy in the cable commercial, everything unravels from there. Is there a term for this phenomenon (I mean other than malpractice)? Pseudoaddiction? Pseudoclinician? Pseudocompassion? Pseudocompetence?
But the guy in those preposterous cable commercials just has to get rid of cable. What are people with pain to do? Is this scenario any less ridiculous or less likely to lead to a preposterous and exaggeratedly bad outcome?
And I want to ask; is this in any way related to the rescheduling of hydrocodone? Might the practitioner have been any more likely to provide hydrocodone and while she was at it a lidocaine patch, a little pregabalin, or anything? Has the climate around opioids taken the last shred of dignity from us as we throw ourselves on the mercy of a stranger who confirms your diagnosis but not your suffering and by extension, negates your humanity?
Please feel free to comment!